2004: GAP Outlet Green Hawaiian-Print Shirt

I confess, I've never been to Hawaii and I don't live anywhere near the ocean. I live in a landlocked Midwestern state. Heck, I probably can't even book a direct flight from here to Hawaii. But a girl can dream, can she?

And dream I did, with this lovely Hawaiian-themed shirt from The Gap Outlet. For a low, low price of $4.97, this shirt can whisk me away to two different worlds:

On one hand, this shirt makes me look like a loudmouth tourist, lounging on the beach, sipping heavy-hitting cocktails at 8AM.

But on the other hand, it makes me look like an undercover Miami detective who's trying to conceal a gun.

2004: Fossil Hippie Belt

Please don't ask me why I bought this belt because I don't know. It's damn ugly, Thing is, I actually really liked it at the time, but I never wore it because it smelled like fish. How leather can smell like walleye guts is beyond me. I even put this thing outside on the patio in the dead of winter to air it out in hopes of getting rid of the tuna smell. It didn't work. Can you blame me for not wanting to walk around smelling like I have a personal hygiene problem?

2004: Maurices Maroon Fair Isle Sweater

I could lie and tell you I bought this in 1994 and wore it in high school, but I won't. I'll be honest and admit that I purchased and wore this matronly marvel in 2004. If you wore a sweater like this in the '80s and '90s, and were a high school student or young adult, that'd be fine. However, if you're a young twenty-something and wearing a bulky, shapeless, boring sweater like this in 2004, well, it's simply not stylish.

This is something a senior citizen named Mable would wear to the 2pm seating at the Old Country Buffet. But I wore it on dates with my boyfriend to TGIFridays for DRANKS and dinner.


I tried selling it on eBay a few years ago with no luck. I even paired it with a necklace to make it look nicer, but no bites. Today, it's probably dying a slow death in the bowels of a thrift store.